I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You are the jesus of drinking
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm really busy with my period
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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