while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
