He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
