So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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