And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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