I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
