just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
