Me too!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
