oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize