that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
