Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
