Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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