God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
