I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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