My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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