have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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