hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
