you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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