2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize