and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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