apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
