Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
