I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
