Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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