in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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