i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize