Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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