He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
