She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
