Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
wow bdsm is so cute
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
