Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
