youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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