I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I enjoy the company of your penis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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