Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
