just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize