I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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