He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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