Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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