we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
there is glitter all over my balls
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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