TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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