What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
