I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
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