your thong is hanging out like whoa
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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