Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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