Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
