Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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