Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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