I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize