sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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