How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize