I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
