I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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