He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
