i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize