How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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