If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
