also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
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