I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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