Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
