Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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