How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
