I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
