My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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