Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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