Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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