I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
