You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
