He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
