i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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