why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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