wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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