They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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