its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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