Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
