In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
