ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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