Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize