so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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