Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
