Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
