I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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