why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
