Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
