We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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