No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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