so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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