my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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