OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
