The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
