I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
