For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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