I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
