I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
