don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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