You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
