i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
