I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
