He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
